Posted on 11/02/06 at 2:21 pm to Administrative,General,Patience
Today would of been our 2nd wedding anniversary. It still hurts so much to know that we won’t be growing old together. I miss him every day and often wonder if we would of settled back into our comfortable lives together by now. Would we have had the formal wedding we’d talked about having when he returned from Iraq by now? Would we be knee deep in travel brochures and saving every extra penny we had to take the kids to Disney World next year like we’d planned?
Two years ago today, I married my soulmate. Two years ago today, I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. How could I not be? I was marrying the love of my life and getting to share that day with my 3 beautiful children and my parents. I took a risk at being hurt again, or failing at another marriage. I married him knowing I could experience the biggest heartache of my life and have. I wouldn’t take it back, not for one second.
I’m going out to dinner tonight. I’m not sure with who yet, either one of the 860th wives, my sister-in-law or my best friend. I’m going to go out and celebrate my love for Paul and our love for each other. I ordered myself 3 dozen purple carnations from ProFlowers and then curiosity got the best of me and I wandered over to 100flowers which is where Paul always ordered from. I wanted to see what they had to offer and if next time I might order from there. While looking around I found the very arrangement that Paul ordered for me for my birthday before he was killed. I couldn’t help it. I ordered them because when I look at them they remind me of him and how special he made me feel that last year. I also ordered something to hug when I got sad today. I thought it was going to be a bear but when it showed up it was a lion. It was a pleasant surprise and I felt like he had a hand in it.
I uploaded Halloween photos and you can find them under Holidays. The highlight of the night was the truck which also had it’s own touch of Halloween and also sort of tied into the day of th dead. A day to celebrate the lives of those who have died. Halloween was Paul’s favorite holiday and we wanted him to be included and to know that we celebrated Halloween this year in memory of him know matter how difficult it may have been on us.
Posted on 10/28/06 at 10:38 pm to Patience
I feel the sadness coming on. I can only best describe it as “The Nothing” from Neverending Story. It’s like this black cloud just consuming me. I know why it’s coming. Thursday, November 2, would of been mine and Paul’s 2nd wedding anniversary. This all just sucks so bad! I need to call one of the other wives. She sent me an email a couple weeks ago and said she’d like to take me out for dinner again this year like they all did last year. I need to do something. I may even send myself some flowers. I sent myself some beautiful purple carnations for my birthday maybe I’ll do it again for Thursday.
I just want my husband, my knight, my love back. I want to hold him, hug him, kiss him and tell him I’ll love him forever and I’ll never let him go. I want to spend the night with him the way married couples are supposed to. I want to feel him touch me and hear him tell me he loves me. What I wouldn’t give to hear him say, “Hey baby..” just one more time and have it not be a recording on my computer.
So many people take love for granted. They take their lovers for granted. Seriously, have you stopped to tell your loved one what they mean to you lately? And I don’t mean the simple every day “I love you”. I mean have you sat down and told them why they mean so much to you and how you can’t live without them? How you appreciate their love for you and all that they do for you? The next time they forget to put the toilet seat down, or forget to put their glass in the sink, or forget to get their dirty laundry actually in the clothes hamper… just stop and think of just how much you’d miss that annoying book hanging off the side of the bathroom counter if something were to happen to them. I’d give anything to be able to say, “If you don’t quit putting that book there.. one of these days it’s going to fall in the toilet and I’m gonna laugh.” just one more time. I’d give anything to say, “Son of a bitch!” as I trip over his combat boots on the floor on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Or to have him yell at me because I folded his socks wrong yet again. Or to have to call his name 4 times because he’s absorbed in yet another book. I’d even be glad to dump the umpteen half drank soda cans and sweep up the cigarette butts on the front patio just to have him here again.
I’d give anything to have him here to annoy me all over again and this time, I’d tell him I loved him for it.
2 CommentsPosted on 05/25/06 at 8:34 am to Caitlyn,Edwin,General,Patience
Last night we celebrated Edwin’s graduation from the 6th grade! I’m so incredibly proud of him and Caitlyn as well! Most children who lose a parent fail the grade they are in when it happens. For a while it looked as though that might happen. I’m so proud of them for making it through this very difficult school year. Not only did we lose Paul but we moved to a new school zone and they had to struggle to make new friends and adjust to a new school. I was so proud of him at his graduation ceremony that I started crying and couldn’t stop.
Yesterday morning I finally got brave. After 9 years of wanting to do it, I got my eyebrow pierced! It didn’t hurt like I was told it would but I have a high pain tollerance. I love it! I’ll post pictures as soon as I find the cable to my camera.
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