Posted on 08/25/08 at 8:39 am to Administrative, Caitlyn, Devlin, Edwin
So the first week of school Devlin missed a day because he was sick. The second week of school Edwin missed a day of school because he was sick. And now here we are starting week 3 and Cat is home sick. Oy! I forgot what a pain in the butt going back to school could be. It never fails the first few weeks of school somebody gets sick. Cat is the last one in the house to get it though so we should be on the road to getting rid of this bug.
I’ve been working on moving photos off disc so I can get them resized and renamed. Once I get that done I’ll get them uploaded. I have the remaining photos from 2005 and the photos from 2006 up til the end of our summer trip. The rest are on discs that I no doubt put in a safe place but sometimes my safe places are too safe. They’re even safe from me. LOL
No CommentsPosted on 08/20/08 at 11:57 pm to Administrative
Just wanted to let everybody know that I’m putting some work into this website. For a long time it has been unbelievable difficult to look at this website because it was created out of the love of my family and that included Paul. Even though I have a website dedicated solely to him, the website still had a hole where he should be. But I’m ready to move on from that and start updating on you on those of us who are living. I have created this cute new school theme. We’ll be using this one during the school year or until I get bored of it and feel like creating a new one. 
In the next couple months I’m going to dig through CDs and pull out all the photos that I never uploaded or linked. It will take some time though because I have 2 years worth of photos to get added to this site and we’ve taken some pretty big trips in that time. I’m also working on adding some other cool new stuff. Some of which you may have already noticed such as the weather widget and the twitter widget.
So if you stop by and things seem a little wacky, just try back later because it means I’m at that very moment working on it.
Posted on 08/14/08 at 10:25 pm to Caitlyn, Devlin, Edwin, Special Occasions
The kids went back to school on Monday. They were glad to be back. Edwin is repeating the 8th grade so both he and Caitlyn (Cat) are in the same grade this year. Devlin is repeating kindergarten but so is most of his class from half day kinder last year. He’s excited the one of his best buds is in his class again this year. And also in true Devlin fashion and in keeping with what must be a new yearly tradition, Devlin was home with a fever today. I think it comes from others not wanting their children to miss the first week of school so they send them to school sick. Kindergarten children touch everything without washing their hands and then the next kid comes along and the next thing you know Devlin has a fever that would get him sent home from school. So he was doped up on Motrin for the fever and Benedryl for the congestion and he spent most of the day lounging around watching TV in my bed. He woke up and asked me, “When does school start?” I told him that Ed and Cat were already at school but that he had the day off thanks to a fever. So he rolled over and went back to sleep.
There are many more students at the school this year so picking the kids up after school is almost a nightmare. I have to get to the school 45 minutes before class gets out just to get a spot in line to pick them up. It’s not so bad though. I take a book to read. The first day a lot of the other parents didn’t think about the mob factor when school got out. I had some lady in an SUV that was waving her arms at me so I rolled my window down and she says, “Can you either pull forward or back up some.” See, people are afraid to park anywhere near the truck. I don’t know whether it’s because it’s so big or because the In Memory stickers in the back window make people think that death is something that’s catchy. But all the same neither the car that pulled in behind me pulled in anywhere near the truck and the car in front of me didn’t back up enough so of course it looked like I was just a jerk and didn’t want to share spots. Either way, I was pretty annoyed with the fact that this woman couldn’t even use a simple word like, “Please” in her request. Makes me wonder just what the manners on her child is like.
Since Devlin gets out of school 5 minutes before the older 2 get out he’s the first one in the truck and then we have to wait. I feel bad just sitting there waiting because I know other parents want in but I can’t leave without the older 2 LOL So I told them from now on once Dev is in the truck, if space opens up in front of me, I’ll be pulling forward and to look for me down closer to the buses. Of course once I said this nobody moved before they got to the truck so I didn’t move until they were all in the truck.
I’ve signed all 3 kids up for the after school program. I’m hoping there’s still spots left over. They have tutoring and fun activities that I think the kids will enjoy and it will be good for them. Plus it will help us save on gas since we have to drive them to and from school. Rob drops them off on his way to work and if they participate in the after school program he’ll be able to pick them up on his way home. Well that’s all to report for now. Nothing else really exciting going on around here. Just life as usual.
I posted the first day of school photos HERE. They’re getting so much bigger. Comparing this year’s photos to some of the older ones is almost depressing!
No CommentsPosted on 08/10/08 at 11:32 pm to Administrative, General
Just wanted to let everybody know that I’m working on some behind the scenes administrative stuff. I will try to be better about updating about what’s going on with the family site since that’s what this is for. This site was started to keep friends and family on the other side of the country as well as here in Arizona. It’s so that you can keep up with what’s going on in our lives so I’m going to try and start getting back to that now. It’s time to return to normally functioning activities.
The kids first day of school is tomorrow so look for a post about that as well as first day of school pictures!
No CommentsPosted on 07/22/08 at 11:29 pm to Uncategorized
x-posted from My Hero Always. I take two steps forward and 10 steps back.
This person btw is apparently STALKING me just to be malicious as they commented on the family site also. I should also remind that the kids check both sites from school and on their own laptops. Nice huh? Just what they need to be reading too.
Wondering
a.friend@gmail.com | 72.240.170.177
Patience – Why no new posts? Have you forgotten?
I know you loved him – I understand. But now has time passed and you’ve forgotten this tribute so easily? Or is life too busy to take the time any more, now that he’s been gone for so long.
Just like the country…. you forget. How sad.
Actually it just means that my children are a bigger priority than a website. Sharing stories with them is more important than people like YOU.
You know what they say about people who make assumptions? You make an ass of you and me.
To the person from the Toledo, Ohio area who was too cowardly to sign their real name, with their real email address and seems to take pleasure in actually causing pain to the widow of a fallen soldier, you have made a terrible assumption. Who are you to assume you know how I grieve? Just because a website has not been updated does NOT mean that I have forgotten MY husband. It means my time has been better served else where. MY CHILDREN. Paul’s son will be 6 years old in September. Last year he went to half day kindergarten and became VERY aware that HE did not have a daddy attending school functions and taking him to and picking him up from school. Do you have any idea who it is that comforts this crying child who misses his daddy EVERY day? ME. Paul’s WIFE. I’m the one that cries every day still, even almost 3 years later. It has NOT been a good year for me and the kids contrary to what many people may wish to believe. I have photos of him in EVERY room of my house. I have his picture in my cars. I talk about him all the time to the point where people are tired of hearing his name.
And while I’m at it, since somebody from Ohio is choosing to make assumptions about me like they live in my house with me and stand in my shoes every day, I have NOT dated anybody since Paul died. I have NO interest in dating. I am still very much IN love with my husband and I still call myself his WIFE. People who know me and actually speak to me know that my heart did, does and always will belong to Paul. People see my pain still. Were you here yesterday (July 21) when I cried off and on all day and didn’t want to get out of bed or do anything because it would of been 8 years that we had been together? I didn’t see you in bed next to me. Have you emailed me on a personal level? Or are you just jealous that he was married to ME and feel the need to lash out and make ME hurt more to make yourself feel better? Well screw you and anybody else that thinks they know me and my grief and my life. Were you at the cemetery on April 3rd of this year? I was.. with my 3 children and 3 other adults drinking a sparkling cider toast and having green frosted cup cakes for him. Were you at the cemetery on the 2 yr anniversary? I was.. with balloons and notes in hand with my children, his sister, some of his battle buddies and one of his best friends. Are you the god mother of a child who is named after him? I am. Oh yea.. BTW.. he’s the god father. Were you sitting here with Devlin watching the videos Paul left for him of him reading stories? I don’t think so.. nope you weren’t. Are you playing mom AND dad to this sweet and loving little boy with a hurting heart? Nope. You’re not doing that either.
For anybody that’s interested, I have a memorial Myspace set up for Paul. Just email me for the URL. It’s only viewable to those who are added as friends. I post/update this one more often at the moment because that’s where some of his battle buddies are signed up and I can keep in touch with them and let them know how we are doing. Those that really care and support us take the time to send supportive messages not try to cause us more hurt.
It’s sad that I should even have to make a post such as this but this behavior is absolutely unacceptable of an adult. But from the mouth of our sweet boy who wonders why mommy is now crying AGAIN, “You have pictures everywhere mommy. You always tell me stories about him. Don’t let that person make you cry. Tell that person to go away.” And that is what keeps me going every day. That little boy with Paul’s face and habits. If not for that little boy I’d already be with MY husband.
1 CommentPosted on 09/07/07 at 1:28 pm to General, Special Occasions
We’re having a book drive in honor of Paul! If you’re interested please check out Freedom To Read. Please spread the word! We REALLY want this to be a success!
2 CommentsPosted on 05/25/07 at 2:37 pm to General
Enter your password to view commentsPosted on 04/17/07 at 6:11 pm to Administrative
I’m so behind on adding some of my membership logos because I was having problems with my old laptop charging and keeping a charge. But I got the logos added for Rose Bon Bon, Sunflower Streams, Pixel Anything (which should have been added AGES ago), Maya Sigtags Club and Pixel Graffiti. Now that I’m on my newer laptop and have a ton of storage with my external drive I’m going to start the LONG process of resizing and renaming photos from the last year and a half and getting them uploaded to the gallery.
3 CommentsPosted on 04/01/07 at 8:04 pm to Special Occasions
Paul’s birthday is Tuesday. He would of been 33 years old. Last year I requested that people do a good deed for somebody or donate to a charity in his memory to celebrate his life. I’m requesting the same again this year. Paul was a big reader and he loved kids so anything having to do with reading, kids or both are a good start. Or maybe donate money or goods to your favorite charity. Good deeds can be anything from helping at a shelter or offering to babysit for somebody so they can get a night out. There is no such thing as a good deed too small or too big.
Posted on 01/30/07 at 5:52 pm to General
Only a kids movie can make me cry. I was watching Barnyard with Devlin the other night and while I’d been warned the daddy dies I wasn’t expecting it to affect me the way it did. I started bawling and had to hug Devlin a little closer. The dad dies protecting the other animals on the farm. He died a hero. And the song they played when the son found out just.. wow. It was about a father and son. I’m going to have to find that song for Devlin.
In other news, my brother-in-law will be home from Iraq soon. At least it will be once less person to worry about and my sister will be happy. Not a whole lot else going on here. I’m looking into home schooling for Caitlyn. She’s having a rough time at school and I don’t want it to affect her education. We’ll see..
Posted on 01/02/07 at 4:20 pm to General
I’m watching some footage of President Ford lying in state. Betty Ford is such an epitome of strength right now. I could only hope that through it all I have shown even an ounce of her strength. She’s so solemn and strong even at her age and in her frail state. But to be married so long and so be so supportive of your husband the president. It’s all just… wow. I only got to share 5 years of life with Paul. I can’t imagine having shared my whole life with him and still being that strong. And yet I envy that she had that many more years of memories.
2 CommentsPosted on 12/01/06 at 4:01 pm to General
If you’re looking for new Christmas music why not purchase a cd that helps out a good cause? It features the voices of the children of the fallen and helps raise money for a program called Operation Ensuring Christmas. It provides trips to Disney World for the children of the fallen. A Lil’ Heroes Christmas
Posted on 11/17/06 at 8:57 pm to General
I’m making my Christmas card list! If you are interested in receiving or exchanging Christmas cards with me and my family please email public@just-our-family.com with your mailing address. Also if you would like my address just request it! I know some of you haven’t heard from me in ages and I apologize. I’m trying to be better about staying in contact with people. Some days are just better than others. I’m feeling the holiday spirit this year and can’t wait to get started decorating for Christmas!
2 CommentsPosted on 11/10/06 at 3:14 pm to General
Jordan Leigh has released the video to Soldier I Thank You in which she pays tribute to her brother, SGT Kenneth Schall, other fallen heroes and our military. Please take the time to view this video and support Jordan Leigh.
4 CommentsPosted on 11/02/06 at 2:21 pm to Administrative, General, Patience
Today would of been our 2nd wedding anniversary. It still hurts so much to know that we won’t be growing old together. I miss him every day and often wonder if we would of settled back into our comfortable lives together by now. Would we have had the formal wedding we’d talked about having when he returned from Iraq by now? Would we be knee deep in travel brochures and saving every extra penny we had to take the kids to Disney World next year like we’d planned?
Two years ago today, I married my soulmate. Two years ago today, I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. How could I not be? I was marrying the love of my life and getting to share that day with my 3 beautiful children and my parents. I took a risk at being hurt again, or failing at another marriage. I married him knowing I could experience the biggest heartache of my life and have. I wouldn’t take it back, not for one second.
I’m going out to dinner tonight. I’m not sure with who yet, either one of the 860th wives, my sister-in-law or my best friend. I’m going to go out and celebrate my love for Paul and our love for each other. I ordered myself 3 dozen purple carnations from ProFlowers and then curiosity got the best of me and I wandered over to 100flowers which is where Paul always ordered from. I wanted to see what they had to offer and if next time I might order from there. While looking around I found the very arrangement that Paul ordered for me for my birthday before he was killed. I couldn’t help it. I ordered them because when I look at them they remind me of him and how special he made me feel that last year. I also ordered something to hug when I got sad today. I thought it was going to be a bear but when it showed up it was a lion. It was a pleasant surprise and I felt like he had a hand in it.
I uploaded Halloween photos and you can find them under Holidays. The highlight of the night was the truck which also had it’s own touch of Halloween and also sort of tied into the day of th dead. A day to celebrate the lives of those who have died. Halloween was Paul’s favorite holiday and we wanted him to be included and to know that we celebrated Halloween this year in memory of him know matter how difficult it may have been on us.
Posted on 10/29/06 at 3:25 pm to General
So tomorrow I have a ton of things to do…
1) Call about dental so that I can find a dentist to fix Edwin’s teeth. The boy thinks he’s a shark or something and has two rows of teeth.
2) Call the Vet Center and see if they offer grief counseling for children as young as 4.
3) Call my dentist and schedule appointments to begin the implants.
4) Call my eye doctor and reschedule my appointment so I can get my broken glasses replaced and not have to wear my sunglasses all the time.
5) Call the zoo and find out why all my membership info is listed under Rob’s name when I’m the primary card holder and I’m the one that paid for it. I also have to make our reservation to go preview the new Stingray exibit before it opens to the public.
6) Go to Michaels and get tissue paper or thin colored plastic to wrap around the ground lights for Halloween night.
7) Decorate out front for Halloween night.
Carve the pumpkins for Halloween night.
9) Finish unpacking more of the boxes that are now all over the house. We emptied the garage yesterday and moved boxes out of there that never got unpacked when we moved in last December.
10) Find time to follow some auctions on ebay that I’m watching.
That’s a lot to have to do tomorrow! I wonder if I’ll be able to schedule in my meals and bathroom breaks! LOL
1 CommentPosted on 10/28/06 at 10:38 pm to Patience
I feel the sadness coming on. I can only best describe it as “The Nothing” from Neverending Story. It’s like this black cloud just consuming me. I know why it’s coming. Thursday, November 2, would of been mine and Paul’s 2nd wedding anniversary. This all just sucks so bad! I need to call one of the other wives. She sent me an email a couple weeks ago and said she’d like to take me out for dinner again this year like they all did last year. I need to do something. I may even send myself some flowers. I sent myself some beautiful purple carnations for my birthday maybe I’ll do it again for Thursday.
I just want my husband, my knight, my love back. I want to hold him, hug him, kiss him and tell him I’ll love him forever and I’ll never let him go. I want to spend the night with him the way married couples are supposed to. I want to feel him touch me and hear him tell me he loves me. What I wouldn’t give to hear him say, “Hey baby..” just one more time and have it not be a recording on my computer.
So many people take love for granted. They take their lovers for granted. Seriously, have you stopped to tell your loved one what they mean to you lately? And I don’t mean the simple every day “I love you”. I mean have you sat down and told them why they mean so much to you and how you can’t live without them? How you appreciate their love for you and all that they do for you? The next time they forget to put the toilet seat down, or forget to put their glass in the sink, or forget to get their dirty laundry actually in the clothes hamper… just stop and think of just how much you’d miss that annoying book hanging off the side of the bathroom counter if something were to happen to them. I’d give anything to be able to say, “If you don’t quit putting that book there.. one of these days it’s going to fall in the toilet and I’m gonna laugh.” just one more time. I’d give anything to say, “Son of a bitch!” as I trip over his combat boots on the floor on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Or to have him yell at me because I folded his socks wrong yet again. Or to have to call his name 4 times because he’s absorbed in yet another book. I’d even be glad to dump the umpteen half drank soda cans and sweep up the cigarette butts on the front patio just to have him here again.
I’d give anything to have him here to annoy me all over again and this time, I’d tell him I loved him for it.
2 CommentsPosted on 10/18/06 at 6:11 pm to Caitlyn, General
So there’s been problems all year with attendance, homework and grades. Today we had a parent teacher conference with Caitlyn’s teacher just like every year. But this year I’m getting my act together and getting more active. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Caitlyn brought some of her grades up and was able to achieve honor roll for first quarter despite her difficulties with actually making it to school on 5 of those days.
So to reward her for making honor roll we went to Walmart and she got her first CD player with a CD to listen to on it. Edwin of course huffed and puffed and stated that it wasn’t fair. I said yes it is too far she made honor roll. If you get good grades you’ll be rewarded. I’m also going to start a reward program for perfect attendance. Hopefully Edwin gets that one so then he’ll get something for perfect attendance and Caitlyn won’t. Of course the reward for perfect attendance won’t be at big as for honor roll. Maybe something like a trip for ice cream at Cold Stone Creamary or something since we don’t have ice cream in the house any more.
I emailed about information for counseling today. It sounds like they have a waiting list that’s a month or two long though. So tomorrow I’m going to call the Vet Center and see if they can start sooner and if they offer counseling for 4 year olds. Devlin has been having nightmares regularly since Paul deployed and they have gotten more intense (based on the crying and stuff when he wakes up) since he was killed. Every day my heart hurts on so many levels. For Devlin who will never have his own daddy to do things with. For Caitlyn who felt like he was her daddy. For Edwin who was just getting closer to him. For Paul’s sister for her guilt and pain over not talking to him at the time of his death. For his dad for losing a son. And of course for myself and the loss of my partner in life.
3 CommentsPosted on 10/06/06 at 12:10 pm to General
By this time last year Paul was being buried. I was being separated from him never to lay eyes on him again.. never to run my fingers through his hair again. This is the last day of 1 year marks and firsts without him..
Devlin and I are on our way to the cemetery to pay our respects to Jeremiah Robinson. My heart breaks for his parents and his girlfriend. We’re going to leave “our hearts” there and then I have to run to the bank. Edwin has his first junior high school dance tonight. I’m not the one that’s supposed to be taking him to this milestone but Paul is dead and his dad can’t drive right now. sigh Little by little everything is being dumped on me to deal with and handle on my own and it’s getting a bit overwhelming. I really don’t know how single moms do it. I thought I’d be a single mom for only a year and half.. sigh
Ok. I’m off. I’ll be updating My Hero Always later this evening.
2 CommentsPosted on 10/05/06 at 12:01 pm to General
I’m going to be working on this site a little every day.. I have so many photos to resize and upload.. Oy! Here is something I posted to my Myspace the other day that I thought I’d share here as well..
I updated My Hero Always. I’m going to start the really long process of resizing and uploading photos to Just Our Family from the last year of our life. This summer alone is going to take ages! I’m also working The Dragon Keep which is the future home of my sig tag collection and I need to get started on my Weightloss site. This weekend I’ll be working on cleaning out my garage and turning it into my work out room. I’m going to be putting down some of those foam squares like you find in preschools and get my exercise bike built. My expensive, fancy treadmill is out there collecting dust. I need to find the “key” for it or see if I can order a replacement.
I feel the need to retract some words I said many years ago, in the off chance they could haunt me again in the future. Once upon a time ago, I thought I’d found my knight in shining armor (I was wrong) but things didn’t end so well. He ended it and I was heart broken. I believed at the time that a breakup as difficult as this one was a lot like grieving. I told him that somehow I thought it would be easier to “get over” him if he really had died and there was a reason to grieve. I was young. I was also wrong. Not wrong in the sense that I’m not over him. I had to let go of him in my heart fully in order to truly love Paul and I did this. I was wrong in the sense that it is so much easier to “get over” somebody when you know they are alive and you can hope they are happy even if it’s not with you. It’s so much more difficult when that person has died. There was so much left for Paul to see and do and he’ll never have that chance. Time spent with his kids and with me and it’s gone. But my ex is alive to try and fail and try again at this whole “love” thing. I use this word lightly because everything is so extreme and mellow dramatic with him. I used to believe it was true raw passion but in truth it’s just dramatics. It’s this realization that made me see that I was holding on to the illusion of who and what I thought he was and not who he truly was in reality. I don’t fall for illusions any more. I’m content to spend some time by myself. I would rather it be spent with Paul as things were meant to be but it is not how it is. So I want to be married to myself for a while. I want to do things for me and not for a man or another person because I think I have something to prove. I want to do things for me and not to make another person proud. I began my weightloss journey because it was something positive to do with the depression of being separated from Paul while he was in Iraq. But a large part of that was that I wanted him to go, “Damn!” and beam with pride when I was welcoming him home with the rest of the unit. I wanted him to be proud to say I was his wife because I looked good. He already felt that way because of my love for him but it wasn’t enough for me. It was enough for him though and it should of been enough for me. But isn’t that part of a loving relationship? Wanting to be a better person because of them? When he died I put back on the 50 lbs I’d lost and a little extra because who’s trophy would I be now? But that’s wrong! That’s not the way I should of been thinking.. I want to be my own trophy. I want to be happy with me for once and I’ll be damned if I let anybody take this away from me. I can’t control the fact that Paul is gone but I can control this and I will!
Ok I’ve rambled quite a bit. I feel like I’ve learned so much about life and myself in the last year and yet I feel there is still so much more to learn. What I have learned that is most important though is that I need to be true to myself.
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